From the AP article on Ashcroft’s resignation:
Ashcroft, in a five-page, handwritten letter to Bush, said, “The objective of securing the safety of Americans from crime and terror has been achieved.”
I…er…huh? How can anyone possibly declare that we’re safe? I mean, I don’t think Ashcroft has done anything to make us safer, but does anyone thing we’ve secured the safety of Americans?

Honestly, it is best not to dwell on it because it only makes your head hurt.
Hey, mission accomplished, guys.
Yeah, I can’t think of a good reason to make that claim, even if it were true, or able to be ascertained.
I guess he figured it would make a good line on his résumé:
Relevant experience- Achieved the objective of securing the safety of Americans from crime and terror. Also supervised staff of interns and secured the renovation of the third-floor men’s restroom against terror attacks.